From: Knauer <knauer@mindspring.com>
Subject: Re: 50,000$ FOR CHRISTMAS...
Date: Wed, 13 Nov 1996 22:10:25 -0800

David Elijah wrote:
> 
> {In a really obnoxious post}
> 
> Condor Wrote:
[lots of snipping...]
> [snip]
> > because $5 is all anyone ever invests in this system. Period. That's all
> Markus, > Dave, or Dan invested, yet their $5 netted them tens of thousands
> of dollars each
> 
> Did you ever stop to wonder where all that money came from?  Five dolars
> can't simply find a mate and multiply like bunnies.  It has to come from
> somewhere!

> This is the really disheartening aspect.  I picked up this article in a
> newsgroup dedicated to hosting "Sailor Moon" related articles.  THIS HAS
> ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING ON "SAILOR MOON" AT ALL!!!  Please, PLEASE, post
> these to some newsgroup dedicated to pyramid schemes; not here.

But wait!  This has everything to do with Sailor Moon! ;-)  Watch as
Serena reads your post:

Serena: You mean its not real? <begins to cry>

Ami: (fearing the potential for wailing ;) Serena, you didn't actually
believe the original get rich quick post, did you?

Serena: Yah... <sniff>

Ami: How much money did you send in?

Serena: Well, I thought that if I sent in twice as much I'd make a lot
more... $10 <starts crying again as she realizes that that means less
ice cream she can buy>

Ami: (on communicator with the rest) This is an emergency!  There's a
youma draining helpless usenet newbies of their cash!

The rest: We'll be right there...

[several transformations later]

Ami: I've tracked the youma down to his sronghold in a cheap motel.

[scout teleport!]

Dopey looking condor youma: Ah yes, another day another sucker <laughs
as he drags on a cheap cigarette>

[suddenly the scouts appear!]

youma: Wha!?  So you found me huh?  I'm not beaten that easily! <throws
a print out of a luxury yatch (old joke ;) at the scouts> Rei's
post-it-note from hell (I'm gonna hear from Nikki about this one ;-)
hits it and turns it into a rather amusing YKYWTMSMW...

angry youma: Grrr, I'll show you!

Jupiter: Oh no you won't bird brain!

<Jupiter thunder; crash!>

scared youma: EEP!

Mars: That's right!  You don't deserve the plumage of such a noble
creature (referring of course to her pet crows who make a cameo to peck
his eyes out >:-)

injured youma: AAAHHHH!

Mars: Fried Chicken coming up!

<Mars fire; ignite!>

youma in bad condition: Ouch! Hot! Owie! Ow!

Venus: Don't count your chickens before the spilled milk!

(sweatdrops from everyone ;)

<Venus love chain encircle!>

tied up, burned youma: hey!  You can't do this to me!  It was a legal
scam, er, pyramid!

Mercury: No it wasn't!  Its very illegal!

<Mercury ice bubbles; freeze!>

Now he's frozen and we can take him home for Luna and Artemis.

Jupiter: Don't you think he's a little gamy?

Moon: Can't you use some meat tenderizer on him?  Cat food for Luna is
expensive!

Venus: Tell me about it; Artemis eats like a hog! ;)

Mars: AHEM!  Could you finish him off and THEN have this conversation?

Moon: Oh, right!

<Moon Scepter Elimination!>

It didn't work!

Mercury: (typing on her palm-top computer) its his copy of the Micro$oft
browser!  Use the scepter on it!

Near-death youma: Nooooo! <breaks chain and lunges for Sailor Moon>

[a rose knocks him cold]

Cape boy: You've used your 28.8 to take the ice cream from trusting
newbies and that can't be tolerated!  Sailor Moon; now!

Moon: Huh?

Oh! (why can't I ever do this without needing to be told? ;) Right!

MOON SCEPTER ELIMINATION!!!

Youma: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!


<later>

Serena eating ice cream: I'm glad we got rid of that guy, what a jerk,
trying to take away my ice cream!

Reeny: Not like you'd share it with anyone else! ;P

Serena: You're one to talk flamingo head; you get mom to give you
whatever you want.

Reeny: PPPHHHPPTTTT!

Serena: PPPHHHPPTTTT!

<followed by an eye-laser war and sweatdrops on everyone else>

THE END

(until next time ;)

Sincerely,
Conrad Knauer