The Moonie News Network

Headline Story: Moonie Refugees

Thousands of American Sailor Moon fans shocked by the sudden
dissapearance of Sailor Moon from their TV screens are fleaing their
once great nation in search of quality anime.  Our sources have
revealed that over 200 of them have crowded into a $25,000 sail boat 
that they all chipped in for and are headed for Japan. (Gee maybe this
newsgroup is a good place to advertise second hand boats after all! ;-) )
Another group has headed North to Canada by dogslead to watch reruns
of Sailor Moon on YTV.  They have apparently already slipped over the
border where some Canada Customs agents had passed out from drinking 
too much of that real Canadian Lager.  One Canadian remarked "These 
illegal immigrants will steal all our jobs, they will work for half
the wage I do, produce 20 times as much as I do, live in slums and eat
dirt just to see good anime! How can I compete with that? (And too
think, some Japanese Prime Minister (I forget which one) called these
same determined people "lazy and stupid" only a few years back!  No 
wonder whatshisname got kicked out of office! ^-^)  

The Relief effort: Help from the north!

Several Canadians equiped with rooms full of VCR's are cranking out
tapes of Sailor Moon to be shipped to desperate, needy Americans that
can't afford the satalite dishes needed to watch Sailor Moon on YTV
directly.  We asked one of these valiant Canadians helping with this 
foriegn aid effort if he was driven by compasion to which he responded:
"Actually I just don't want them coming here and causin' a shortage of 
that Real Canadian Lager, Eh!  Ditto on Maple Syrup, Eh!"

Financial News:

The wads and wads of American Cash being sent to Canada by Sailor Moon 
fans to pay for video tapes and postage has caused a dramatic rise in
the Canadian Dollar.  This influx of Loot has raised the value of the
Canadian Dollar by more than 3 cents in the last several months.  The
VKLL fansub's produced in the now thriving city of Calgary (it's economy
used to be based on oil, a far less important commodity ;-> ) is now 
Canada's largest export to the U.S..  This Thurday the Bank of Canada
is expected to lower interest rates in order to prop up the lagging
American Dollar.  The vast exports of VKLL are causing such a dramatic
shift in exchange rates that they are squeezing out exports from 
other parts of the Country, causing massive national discord.  One 
maple syrup producer in Quebec said that if the exchange rate crisis, 
which was hurting his sales, didn't improve Quebec should separate 
which would cut off the Supply of Sailor Moon in French to the remainder 
of Canada! OH NO! :-o

Sports:

Several American football players too numerous to name have left the
NFL for the CFL.  When asked why, one of them responded "I just gotta
have Sailor Moon, if I don't get to see Sailor Moon before the big game
I just can't play the same".
In a related story Wayne Gretsky is currently in negotiations to return
to the now thriving city of Calgary.  In a press release he stated 
"Those overnight express companies just aren't fast enough, when VKLL
has a new ep subbed I just have to see it that minute!"


Just some funny ideas I had around 3 o'clock this morning. ^-^
The goofiest stuff is always invented on the night shift! 

Glen A. Pearce

glenap@autobahn.mb.ca